Nothing Compares

Have you ever noticed that everyone wants to compare their children to others? You have those people that want to prove their kid is 'better' than yours. You have the friend moms that want to see what milestones others are reaching. You have the moms that just enjoy knowing what others children are doing. I learned the hard way that comparing your child will always let you down. There will always be the child that does more than your child, there will be the children that fall into similar levels as your child, and you'll have the child that lags behind.

From even before Johnathan was born I found myself comparing him to so many different situations. My pregnancy with Johnathan happened after 3 heart-breaking miscarriages. Every milestone of that pregnancy was a great accomplishment but I found myself questioning others if each milestone was similar to others. Then my 7 lb 3 oz baby arrived and I instantly fell in love with my little boy who was our perfect miracle.

It didn't take long for new milestones to come and we basked in each new one as it happened. I had waited 27 years to experience the joys of motherhood and couldn't get enough of that incredible little boy. He got his first teeth, rolled over for the first time, sat up unsupported, and started to say his first words. Others that I knew with babies of the same age were starting to reach the same milestones and I dreamed of the days in the future when their friendship would grow and we'd watch them grow together. Then I learned the dangers of ever comparing your child to others. I saw his reaching of new milestones slowing down and things not always coming as easily to him. He was almost 18 months old before he started walking completely on his own.  When those first steps came we celebrated the moment and were so excited to share the news with others. That's when I first realized the 'dangers' of  comparing children as some people made a comment about how long it had taken to happen.

I wish I could say that those comments didn't bother me but they did. These were people that were important to us and they were lessening the joy we felt about this milestone. As time passed I found I wouldn't share with others the excitement we felt when a new milestone was met. If there is any advice I can give you when it comes to your child it's this: Celebrate Big!!! It doesn't matter if it takes years to meet a milestone that it might take others months. It's important and it deserves to be celebrated. Johnathan loves going to parks to play. When Johnathan would tackle a new piece of equipment I loved cheering him on and usually taking a picture of the moment. I didn't care if children half his age were doing it to because what mattered to me was that he had tackled it.

I won't lie there were many tough days (and still are) when I'd see others accomplish something and I'd wonder when or if Johnathan would make the same accomplishment some day. When those feelings would rain down on me Johnathan would my umbrella reminding me it didn't matter. He was my son and he has his own schedule that he was going to follow no matter what I do. So I learned to take a breathe, look into the eyes of that perfect boy, and live in our moment. It took some time but the comparisons stopped and the celebration of the milestones took center stage.

Next came that second little guy that stole another part of our hearts and the comparisons started again. This time the comparisons were harder because it involved our boys. As Charles would meet a milestone I would reflect on Johnathan meeting the milestones. I focused on if Charles was behind on the milestones, the same as Johnathan was, or was he meeting milestones faster. I worried that now we were focusing on Johnathan's learning and sensory needs if we would cause a delay on Charles' milestones.

Then there was the eye-opening comparison that every parent of an autistic parent experience and learns from. I'm sure most have heard the quote about when you've met a person with autism you have met only one person with autism. Let me tell you it is completely true. I've come in contact with many people with autism and I can tell you there hasn't been one that was like another. Each person on the autism spectrum has their own traits and characteristics. Sure there are similarities in some of the actions but even them have deviations that make them unique.

  Johnathan is unique and i love every part of his uniqueness he brings to the lives of all that know him. I'll celebrate every milestone that he meets and focus on the journey he takes to get there. I'll remember that this is our miracle who lives life large no matter the timeline.There is no comparisons needed because all that matters is that he is a little better than he was the day before.